a holiday poem

mid december, i finally gave in
and bought christmas lights
to line the house.
it wasn't the celebration
that left me feeling sour
but the spectacle of lights
it had become.

still, you convinced me,
that i spend too much time
fighting for causes only i
understood.
and, that my convictions
had turned from eccentricities
to flaws a long time ago.

and in those Walmart isles,
under fluorescent lights,
i felt what i had already
decided the day
that i first met you:
i would be the one to leave.

best of 2008 (...and 2007 in retrospect)

paste already gave its signs of life 2008. pitchfork has dealt out half of its best albums of 2008. so, it is about time i dished out my top 10 of 2008.

disclaimer:  there are more albums i want than i have money to buy. so there are a lot of albums that i didn't event consider for my top 10 because i have not  purchased them and given them a full listen yet... including devotion - beach house, microcastle - deerhunter, dear science - tv on the radio, women - women, let the blind... - atlas sound, parc avenue - plants & animals, april - sun kil moon

10: volume one - she & him

9: in ear park - department of eagles

8: vampire weekend - vampire weekend

7: house with no home - horse feathers

6: the rhumb line - ra ra riot

5: alpinisms - school of seven bells

4: fate - dr. dog

3: fleet foxes - fleet foxes

2: we brave bee stings and all - thao w/ the get down stay down

1: for emma, forever ago - bon iver

honorable mentions: all we could do was sing - port o'brien, all is well - samamidon, in ghost colours - cut copy, með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust - sigur rós, saturdays=youth - m83, the second gleam (ep) - the avett brothers, sad robots (ep) - stars, canopy glow - anathallo, caught in the tree - damien jurado, the odd couple - gnarls barkley

albums i feel show the most promise: nests - she keeps bees, everything is alive - pomegranates 

biggest disappointment: skeletal lamping - of montreal

2007 (in retrospect)
 i find it easier to create a list for 2007 now that a year has past and i've had the chance to listen to more albums as well as given a deeper listen to albums. now that the novelty has worn away, what albums have remained on my playlist? here's a look at how at my top 25 (plus a few honorable mentions) for 2007:

25: under the blacklight - rilo kiley
24: the historical conquests of josh ritter - josh ritter
23: alright still - lily allen
22: the stage name- okkervil river
21: person pitch - panda bear
20: wincing the night away - the shins
19: is is (ep) - yeah yeah yeahs
18: friend and foe - menomena
17: armchair apocrypha - andrew bird
17: flying cup - beirut
16: hissing fauna, are you the destroyer? - of montreal
15: in rainbows - radiohead
14: all hour cymbals - yeasayer
13: friend (ep) - grizzly bear
12: the reminder - feist
11: raising sand - robert plant & alison krauss
10: challengers - new pornographers
8: marry me - st. vincent
7: kala - m.i.a.
6: sky blue sky - wilco
5: the con - tegan and sara
4: ga ga ga ga ga - spoon
3: emotionalism - the avett brothers
2: strawberry jam - animal collective
1: cease to begin - band of horses

honorable mentions: hymn for a dark horse - bowerbirds, we were dead before the ship even sank - modest mouse, graduation - kanye west, made of bricks- kate nash, random spirit lover - sunset rubdown, friend opportunity - deerhoof, some loud thunder - clap your hands say yeah

when i grow up

i want to be zooey deschanel.

quote

"Let's set aside our weapons for the culture and pick up the first aid kits for the wounded."

(This is from a book I'm reading for one of my classes. While I don't quite agree with the author on all of his points, I really liked this statement).

mumbai

i spent my thanksgiving overeating and thinking of black friday sales.

i can't begin to comprehend how blessed / lucky / fortunate / etc i am. i cannot begin to comprehend suffering.

i cannot begin to comprehend what is happening in mumbai, but i am trying.

thanks-a-giving

happy thanksgiving.

on an unrelated note, i was talking to somebody about myers-briggs personality types today. i've taken three or four myers-briggs tests throughout the past few years (for psychology classes, career inventories, etc), and every time i take it, my results are the same: infj.

each time i read descriptions of infjs, i am amazed how accurately it describes me. it also intrigues me to learn what "types" other people are...

anyways, if you feel like it, go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFJ

it might make me a little more transparent.

i'm for real this time, i swear.

remember that last post when i said i'd update this regularly again?

oops.

i'm not sure if anyone still checks this, considering i pretty much abandoned it, leaving it without any updates for a couple months. so, if you are reading this, spread the news-- i'm back baby!

this semester has been nuts. i'm taking 17 credit hours, working as a TA, doing ifc, and becoming involved in numerous side projects that come my way. oh and i'm happy to say i'm becoming a part of signature entertainment (more to come on that in the future)!

as for right now, i'm on thanksgiving break, relishing in the fact that i can sleep as much as i possibly can. i have a decent amount of work to get done, but honestly, the biggest dilemma i'm facing is finding a dress for gretchen's wedding.

i think the last time i wore any kind of formal / semi-formal dress was sorority / fraternity formals during my freshman year at gcc. so, i need to buy a dress.

(one thing you should note: i love clothes, fashion, but i hate shopping. well, it is fun for maybe 15 minutes then i get bored and cranky. i also am super cheap, which doesn't help the situation).

shopping for a dress shouldn't be too hard, right? i mean, i'm not the bride, so it doesn't really matter what i wear, so long as it is appropriate and i feel at least a little comfortable in it. however, i'm finding that it's not as easy as you think.

although i am 22 years old, i still shop primarily in the junior's department, so naturally, i started there. here's an example of the typical dress (yes, it is a dress, not a shirt) i find:

Okay, not so bad if you are looking to bump and grind the night away at your high school homecoming... but not quite what I had pictured for my friend's big, beautiful wedding she is planning.

So, after seeing rack after rack of this type of dress, I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm just too old for the junior's department." After all, I am 22 and their target audience is probably 15.

So, I ventured off to the women's department to see if I'd have better luck.

Well, I learned that apparently, if you are old enough to be shopping in the women's department, you should just settle with covering your body in dresses that closely resemble burlap sacks. Exhibit A:

After unsuccessfully bouncing back and forth between the junior and women's department at a few stores, I decided a new tactic: try cooler stores.

So, I started off with Forever 21. Not the classiest, I know, but it is cheap and I have no money. Normally, I find Forever 21's oversized jewelry and glitzy clothes kind of endearing (let's face it, tacky jewelry is kind of my thing).

But seriously, going to a wedding in something like this? Really?

So, I decided to give in and try somewhere a little more expensive. I wasn't quite ready to go to BCBG or Anthropologie, but I figured I might be able to find something reasonable to Urban Outfitters. 

They've got some cute dresses there. Like this one. It is conservative without being a burlap sack, young without being tween-y. Besides me still being unsure if there's a unspoken rule against wearing a black dress at weddings (I think it's okay in the winter??? I don't get these things.), I was sold on it.

That is, until I saw the price tag. 

$264

...where's the burlap sack?

an update finally..

i really want to start writing in here more often again. i feel like as soon as i got back to taylor, i got so overwhelmed that i've slacked in keeping in touch. 

being back here has been tough for sure, but not as bad as i thought.  i have a couple amazing friends here that have really made it worth coming back. there have been disappointments and frustrations, but when you have a couple amazing people to lean on, it makes it all seem pretty tolerable.

i have also been submerging myself in music, just trying to stay involved however possible.

listen to "soil, soil" by tegan and sara.

what does a vegan eat when they can't eat fruits or vegetables?

so, having my wisdom teeth removed has made being a vegan more challenging than ever. with stitches and huge holes in my mouth, i can't have any fresh fruits or veggies, anything with seeds, or any nuts. aka, all the foods i usually eat.

so this is what my diet has consisted of the past 5 days:

- v8

- apple sauce

- oatmeal

- soy milk

- soy protein shake

- sorbet

- soy ice "cream"

- mushed potatoes (no not mashed potatoes... they have milk, these were simply mushed)

+ a failed attempt at baby food. i don't want to talk about it.

like a rolling stone

it seems harder and harder to get my feet planted anywhere

anthony kiedis just has so much love for us!

this weekend was the new american music festival... hands down the best concert i've ever been too and possibly one of the best moments of my life. at the very least, one of the most interesting.

friday started off with the tiny masters of the universe, who i actually skipped to get my  free tee shirt / water bottle and check out the set up of rest of the festival. from what i hear, i didn't miss much. next up was NASA, who I had never heard of but really impressed me. they kind of reminded me of a toned-down version of girl talk, and did a great job of getting the audience pumped. their mixing was accompanied by "martians" in bathing suits and break dancing "astronauts."

the black keys, in my opinion, really stole the show on friday night. their set was ridiculously high energy and i think dan auerbach started channeling hendrix on some of the songs. the roots put on a great performance as well, but seemed slightly anticlimactic after the black keys. 

saturday started with the duke spirit, whose lead singer liela moss reminds me of a blonde, slightly less psychotic version of karen o. they played for a relatively small crowd since it was only like 3 in the afternoon and they were the first band. still, it was a pretty BA performance. during black mountain (the next band), lily and i grabbed dinner and water, since we made a pact to get as close as possible to the stage for the rest of the bands and knew that meant no chance for a water / food break. 

making our way towards the stage for gnarls barkley we ran into costanza. i forgot how much i miss that kid! after gnarls though, lily and i descended further into the sea of people to get closer to the stage.  by the time spoon took stage we were about 10-15 rows of people back and dead center. 

during spoon, the kid in front of me fell back on me. at first, i thought it was just someone in the crowd pushing to move forward, but then i realized the kids eyes were only half-way open, he had lost all color in his face, and was sweating like crazy. so, next thing i know, i am holding up this 17 or 18 year old kid trying to ask him if he is okay. he said he was fine, stood up, but then fell back onto me again and when i told him i was going to go take him to get help he just kept saying "i can't hear anything." finally, his friends he was with realized there was something seriously wrong with him and took him to the paramedics. i know the kid was smoking pot a little while earlier (like 50% of the people there), so i am not sure if it was just extreme dehydration or if what he was smoking was laced with something else. so, spoon's set was really good, but needless to say, i was a little distracted during it.

after spoon, the raconteurs played.  i don't really listen to them that much, but holy crap. they are fantastic live. we kept making our way more forward until we were probably no more than 10 rows from the front. at the end of their set, the drummer tossed his drum sticks into the audience and the kid THREE people away from me caught it. i was soo close to catching it... and pretty close to getting crushed to death.

lastly, dylan played. he played some new stuff but some old stuff like rainy day women, tangled up in blue, and it ain't me babe. however, he stuck on the keys and harmonica the whole time (he didn't pick up a guitar) and played new versions of his old songs that were more reminiscent of early rock of the 1950s with a touch of swing than 60s rock. but you know, if dylan had played the popular versions of his hit songs, i really would have been disappointed. that just doesn't seem like a dylan thing to do. his voice was more of a growl on the low notes (a bit garbled sounding even for dylan), but the guy still kicked ass for being 67.

at the end of his set, dylan came back out for an encore. as he came out, the lights turned out bright and a huge backdrop came down, and "like a rolling stone" started. i seriously got the chills. as the chorus started, it felt so surreal as the whole crowd (10,000 people) began singing along. definitely a moment i will remember the rest of my life.

i got home, completely exhausted, and found out my parents locked me out. they also didn't wake up when i rang the doorbell or called the house 3 times. so, i got to sleep in the garage until my brother came to my rescue, haha.

this weekend was $25 well spent.

it has been a tough week.

at least i get to see dylan on saturday, right? right.

too true.

love and communication

just got home this afternoon from columbus. (i ended up going there for two days for a last minute family thing). 

on the ride home, i just had this overwhelming reminder of how blessed i am. i feel like it is so easy to always focus on the negative, to always search for what could be improved. 

but when i really think about it, really really think about it, i am overwhelmed with how blessed i am. how fortunate i am to have the friends and family that i do. just how much beauty there is around me.

it is kind of like that plastic bag scene from american beauty.

sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, i feel like i can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

there is so much pain,  suffering, and corruption in the world. yet, there is so much beauty and peace in people's reaction to the pain, the comfort offered by a friend, or simply the reassurance a big blue sky gives you that there is something greater than yourself. if you blink, you may miss it. but if you really take the time to open your eyes wide, there is beauty and joy in everything around us.

on another note, i am very excited that i have officially booked the founder of to write love on her arms for this fall. it is such a great organization, if you haven't heard of it check it out at http://www.twloha.com/ . so often the church wants to shy away from issues of depression, suicide, drug abuse, and self mutilation. 

yet, these are major issues facing our generation. for me (and millions of other people), it is more than "issues," it is the faces of friends and family who have struggled or tragically lost the battle. we are a wealthy nation, yet we are empty. our wallets are full but something is lacking. it breaks my heart how many people feel that they do not matter, or feel like no one cares for them. 

i am really excited to have this speaker at the university and hope that it will still up conversation, awareness, and action. 

peace.

mad beats

tracks i am digging this week:

D.A.N.C.E - justice

for reverend green - animal collective

bucky done gun - M.I.A.

the frug - rilo kiley

bubble toes - jack johnson 

maybe i belong in english after all...

confession time:

i really like to cook. this summer i've spent a lot of time in the kitchen messing around and perfecting recipes. it is about the only "domestic" thing about me (i still don't know how to iron or take the time to fold any of my clothes). i just think cooking is really cool, how it is kind of part science project part art project. it is also cool to create something people can really enjoy.

anyways, tonight i made a coconut-thai soup with the leftover coconut milk from the cupcakes this weekend. it was a big hit with the fam... even my dad (who had to be coaxed into eating something with tofu) was up for seconds.

oh and confession #2: i've begun defriending people on facebook. i kind of feel guilty but i am not sure why. i am only removing people i went to high school or my freshman year at gcc with who i barely talked to then and who i dont talk to now. i just really don't like seeing names when i log in and i have to ask myself "how do i even know them?" 

well those are the big events of my monday, haha.

free rice

everyone should go to this website NOW

http://freerice.com/

basically, you work to improve your vocabulary while also helping rice to be delivered to people who really need it.

on the bottom of each page, there is a banner from a sponsor. these sponsors pay the website based on the number of views of their banner (like with many website) and then the creators of website take that money and give it directly to the UN World Food Program.

the  first FreeRice donations have gone to purchase rice:

- in Bangladesh, to feed 27,000 refugees from Myanmar for two weeks.

- in Cambodia, to provide take-home rations of four kilograms of rice for two months to 13,500 pregnant and nursing women.

- in Uganda, to feed 66,000 school children for a week.

- in Nepal, to feed over 108,000 Bhutanese refugees for three days.

- in Bhutan, to feed 41,000 children for over 3 days.

- in Myanmar, to feed 750,000 cyclone affected people for 3 days.

so, instead of wasting time on facebook, start building your vocab!

vegan food isn't gross

this weekend i made vegan german chocolate cupcakes. they were enjoyed by vegans and nonvegans alike.

this proves:

a) i am an awesome cook. 

b) vegan food isn't always gross.

some days..

you can't help but be overwhelmed by the beauty in everything around you.

sometimes you're flush...

sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust. and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems. and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. but life goes on...

this summer has been one hell of a ride. ups and downs, manic and dull, everything happening with nothing occurring. i've found myself in the thick of things and situations i had left hundreds of miles behind... and i'm having to face them on my own.

i have always thought of myself as an independent person. in fact, i have a tendency to be too independent for my own good at times. however, i am realizing i still depend on others way too much for self-assurance. when hard times hit, i really need someone to turn to for an encouraging word. 

i guess that's not necessarily a bad thing, but i know it really should be God i turning to, not friends. 

so here He's placed me, in the thick of it, juggling all this solo. although i know i have people to fall back on, the matter of the fact is almost all of them are hundreds of miles away and have their own lives to live. so i suppose this is a lesson in being truly independent. or rather, truly dependent on Him.

no one on the corner has swagger like us

i am so bored.

don't get me wrong, i have plenty to do. i work solid hours, do graphic design stuff, been working on building up my photography portfolio, playing mandolin & piano, etc etc...but i've lost touch with most of my friends back here in the burgh and so my life is pretty dull.  hence lame updates like this one.

still, i guess im at least getting a lot done. and, as an added bonus, it is actually making me kind of look forward to going back to taylor. weird.

earlier this week i started going to spin classes again. cmc-- WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? haha. ever since i have been home its been a major pain getting back into shape. granted, i lost 8lbs over the semester...however, while no sleep and ridiculous amounts of coffee aid in weight loss, it doesn't do much to keep you physically fit. i think my running routine lasted the first two weeks and then was thrown out the window. when i came home, i promised myself i would get back to running every day but a crazy work schedule and getting sick repeatedly didn't help. so, the past few weeks i have been kicking my butt in the gym trying to get back into some sort of shape. i'd really, really like to do the indi mini-marathon (13 miles) this spring, so i've got a lot of work ahead of me...

oh edgartown i miss you....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080711/ap_on_fe_st/odd_jaws_sighting

prayer request...

as many of you know, several members of my church own and run a tattoo shop... while the upstairs operates as a normal tattoo shop, the basement is where weekly bible studies meet and where the homeless ministry i worked with last summer met.  i just found out earlier today that the shop was broken into, robbed, and vandalized last night.  some of the people who help run the shop were also mugged just a few weeks ago and a couple months ago the van that belongs to a band who spends a lot of time with the tattoo shop / ministry was vandalized.

they don't really know if they are purposely being targeted or if it is just a result of increased violence in the area. 

please keep them in your prayers as they try to find a way to pay for repairs and try to continue to support the ministries that meet there.

thanks!

spinal tap and deeper thoughts

my pastor made a reference to spinal tap today.

haha. i love my church.

not just because my pastors have an amazing sense of humor or because they welcome so many people with such open arms,

but because it really challenges me. it calls me out when i am being self-centered, self-righteous, or impatient. it reminds me of what's really important.

I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

sometimes "the least of these" is someone poor and in need. sometimes it is someone halfway across the world. sometimes it is someone battling an addiction. sometimes it is someone right next door. sometimes it is someone in the cash only lane trying to pay with a check. sometimes it is someone who doesn't speak your language. sometimes it is someone who has really hurt you.

chances are, it is whoever it is that is the hardest for you to love.

[i am beginning to realize i am exactly where i need to be for right now. this is where i am tried and pushed. this is where i am forced to break myself down time and time again and really ask who i am and what i believe.]

nobody said it would be easy. in fact, i don't think it is meant to be.

stuff white people like

this blog is one of the funniest things i've seen (it's right up there with lolcats). some days it hits home closer than others.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/27/32-veganvegetarianism/

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/30/40-indie-music/

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/29/38-arrested-development/

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/03/48-whole-foods-and-grocery-co-ops/

dammit.

grrls in muzak

so, i was listening to the radio today and the pussycat doll's "when i grow up" came on. i hate that song, seriously. but anyways, it got me thinking about current female artists. while there are a ton of talented females out there, the girls who are topping the charts are katy perry, fergie, britney spears... what happened to janis joplin? annie lennox? pj harvey? kim deal? stevie nicks? nico? ella freaking fitzgerlad?

w-t-f.

so, i did a little research (note: i am complete nerd) on billboard #1's of the past. here's a brief summary of some of the things i found:

May 16th 1964 "My Guy" Mary Wells

June 3rd 1969 "Respect" Aretha Franklin

March 20th 1971 "Me and Bobby McGee" Janis Joplin

February 24th 1973 "Killing Me Softly with His Song" Roberta Flack

May 29th 1976 "Love Hangover" Diana Ross

April 28th 1979 "Heart of Glass" Blondie

September 3rd 1983 "Sweet Dreams" Eurythmics

November 7th 1987 "I Think We're Alone Now" Tiffany

April 21st 1990 "Nothing Compares 2 U" Sinead O'Connor

November 29th 1993 "I Will Always Love You" Whitney Houston

February 22nd 1997 "Wannabe" Spice Girls

October 14th 2000 "Come on Over" Christina Aguilera

September 11th 2004 "Goodies" Ciara 

August 19th 2006 "London Bridge" Fergie

May 5th 2007 "Girlfriend" Avril Lavigne

July 5th 2008 "I Kissed a Girl" Katy Perry

on the one hand, i feel like this proves my point that there is definitely a trend towards crappier (and more degrading) music by female artists.

one the other hand, it gives me hope:

1) the charts from the 70s were full of horrible music. things did get slightly better.

2) great artists, whose legacies have lived on, were seldom included on the charts. joni mitchell only had one single that even broke the top 10. neither the pixies or the breeders left kim deal with a #1 hit.  i don't think patti smith ever even broke into the top 10.

this makes me feel better about hearing songs like "fergilicious" on the radio.

summer 2k8

okay, i know i've tried this before. i know i said i was going to keep a weekly blog while at cmc and never made it past my first real entry...

...but, i really want to be better about keeping in touch and i feel like trying to keep a blog is a step in the right direction. maybe next i'll start learning how to use a phone.

what is new? well, my summer has been boring yet eventful in a weird way. i know i also owe a lot of you stories from cmc / what the hell i have been doing with my life the past five months. i have so much to say, but in the words of my buddy sufjan, "i could tell you, but the telling gets old."  my stories are better told in person anyways.

so, i'll stick with more current happenings. 1) mr. daniel scarberry went with me to a samantha crain show on friday 2) siggy went out for coffee with me on saturday. today, hot metal had church outside again and then stuffed my tummy full of falafels.  it was a good weekend. 

i've been working away at graphic design stuff and am trying to do some independent study this summer since i do not have enough room in my schedule to pick up a second major. i have just begun to put together a website / online portfolio [http://web.mac.com/elizaanne]. it is far from being finished, but i will let you all know when it is up and running. i will also be contacting a lot of you to make sure it is okay if i use pictures i have taken of you / design work i have done for you, haha.

i've also been researching grad schools. i am debating whether to apply to get my mfa in creative writing. on the one hand, i would probably never use it since i do not plan to teach or make it as a professional writer. on the other hand, there are schools that automatically offer full scholarships / assistantships / grants to students plus  a stipend... that is, if you are accepted into the program. so, in some ways, i feel like there is no real reason for me to try to go (i am not even an english major). still, part of me feels like it would be an amazing opportunity and i may as well just give it a shot. we'll see...

i started playing piano, which is cool. i am mostly concentrating on chords, scales, and theories, because i am more concerned about increasing my understanding of music than the piano itself. i also have taken a liking to my family's old dulcimer. i guess i have a special place in my heart for bizarre instruments.

speaking of which, i am buying a mandolin this week. i am pretty darn stoked. my friend jeremy is basically a musical genius (i am trying to convince him to go to cmc next year before he graduates!) is going to come with me to check out the neck and bridge and make sure i am not getting ripped off. 

as many of you know, i have been working as an administrative assistant at a security company. it is pretty sweet and good experience, but it has been slowly consuming my life. i work about 45 hours per week, so that leaves me almost no time to work on graphic design stuff, grad school stuff, band booking, or any of my other little side projects i have up my sleeve.

so, i made the decision to leave my job for a part-time one this summer. luckily, i've been working my butt off at my job (or in tom / warren terms, "made myself indispensable"). when i told my boss i wanted to quit, she really didn't want me to lose me.  so, she offered to let me design my own schedule and said i could come in whenever i wanted, whatever it took to keep me there. i now work daytime tues-thurs... it is a beautiful thing. 

i am in the midst of plotting a road trip to nashville. let me know if you want to meet up!