Three things that made my week better

1) mujaddara

2) getting things accomplished

3) DEM STILLERS! PICKSBURGH GOIN' TO DA SUPER BOWL!

tea with a spoonful of neurosis

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."

free falling

the past few days have been a crazy blur. so this is a little run-down of this week for me:

monday, around 3pm: ben, siggy, chris, and christy (cmc people) are all at my house and we're catching up, telling old stories, and making plans for the future. later, dan joins up with us and we head out for a night in pittsburgh.

tuesday, around 3am: after a great time, we all crash at my house.

tuesday, 10am: ben, chris, christy, dan, and i all have breakfast together and hang out before they leave.

tuesday, 2pm: two of our friends back out from the trip.

tuesday, 3:30pm: me, dustin, and trevor leave my house and head towards new jersey.

tuesday, 3:45pm: trevor starts feeling really sick, almost pukes, and we turn around.

tuesday, 4:00pm: we drop off trevor, but me and dustin stay determined and continue to head to jersey just the two of us.

tuesday, 9:45pm: we arrive in jersey! dustin and i went out for a bit then came back and crashed at his uncle's condo.

wednesday, 1:00am: sleepy time.

wednesday, 7:30am: dustin and i head to metropark and wait for kait, her sister, and boyfriend.

wednesday, 9am:  we make the train by about 10 seconds. after we arrive in nyc, we bebop around the city, soaking it all in.

wednesday, 1:00pm: we grab some lunch and lori and her sister join up with us. 

wednesday, 2:00pm: we went into the gated area and decided on our "spot" by the nivea stage (later we discovered that nothing really cool happened on that stage, just people making out). by 2:30, they had stopped letting people into the gated area, so we couldn't leave or else we wouldn't be allowed back in. so, no food, no bathrooms, just us and the freezing weather. 

wednesday, around 6pm: lori and her sister head back to her apartment. they had less layers, so i can only imagine how cold they were. lori was an angel and brought food from mcdonalds to the gate for my friends... i have never seen people more excited to see a big mac. haha.

wednesday, around 9pm:  after 7 hours in the cold, my body was not happy. maybe i didn't have enough layers, or maybe it was because i hadn't eaten enough (while nyc is a vegan-friendly city, fast food at time square is not). so, i got to a point where i was just shaking uncontrollably and the cold hurt so badly i thought i might throw up. it was tempting to go inside, especially seeing how many other people were giving up and leaving... but after 7 effing hours i was determined to watch that ball drop. health and safety be damned, i am too stubborn.

wednesday, around 10pm: "please know this is because i am cold and it is strictly platonic, but hold me and don't let go." we decide to move towards a denser crowd in hopes of it being warmer and that the wind will be blocked better. we ended right next to carson daily's stage. 

thursday, midnight, 2009: we made it through, saw that ball drop and got covered in confetti. something i'll remember the rest of my life.

thursday, 1am: we get on the train headed back for jersey. as we collapse into the seats, kait remarks, "i feel like i just ran a marathon." i think that is the best way of describing it.

thursday, 9am: dustin and i get up and head back to PA.

thursday, 2pm: we arrive back in pittsburgh. 

standing there in the middle of times square, i couldn't help but think how much has changed this past year. how much more independent and self-sufficient i've become, how much i've branched out of my comfort zone and had the chance to do some really cool stuff. 2009 is a big unknown for me... i have no clue where i'll live or what i'll be doing when i graduate, but i'm ready for it. most people i know are scared or intimidated, but i feel a sense of exhilaration. i'm young and i have nothing tying me down.  i'm ready to go wherever it is that i am suppose to be. i feel free.

i was curious how cold it actually was when we were there. according to wikipedia, "The average temperature at midnight in New York City since the ball dropping tradition began in 1907 is 33.7°F (1°C). During the most recent ball drop, 2009, the temperature was 18°F (-7°C) and 2°F (-16°C) factoring in wind chill, which is well below the average." Apparently, the winds were also getting up to 40-some mph. no wonder the wind was so killer.

In response to the lack of sleep, standing hours in the freezing cold, and overall self-abuse, my body responded by falling asleep on my couch last night at 7:30pm and not waking back up until 9am this morning. that is the longest i think i have ever slept in my life, haha. my face and back of my neck is pink from wind burn / the cold and my feet and legs are finally regaining color.

BUT SO WORTH IT.

a holiday poem

mid december, i finally gave in
and bought christmas lights
to line the house.
it wasn't the celebration
that left me feeling sour
but the spectacle of lights
it had become.

still, you convinced me,
that i spend too much time
fighting for causes only i
understood.
and, that my convictions
had turned from eccentricities
to flaws a long time ago.

and in those Walmart isles,
under fluorescent lights,
i felt what i had already
decided the day
that i first met you:
i would be the one to leave.

best of 2008 (...and 2007 in retrospect)

paste already gave its signs of life 2008. pitchfork has dealt out half of its best albums of 2008. so, it is about time i dished out my top 10 of 2008.

disclaimer:  there are more albums i want than i have money to buy. so there are a lot of albums that i didn't event consider for my top 10 because i have not  purchased them and given them a full listen yet... including devotion - beach house, microcastle - deerhunter, dear science - tv on the radio, women - women, let the blind... - atlas sound, parc avenue - plants & animals, april - sun kil moon

10: volume one - she & him

9: in ear park - department of eagles

8: vampire weekend - vampire weekend

7: house with no home - horse feathers

6: the rhumb line - ra ra riot

5: alpinisms - school of seven bells

4: fate - dr. dog

3: fleet foxes - fleet foxes

2: we brave bee stings and all - thao w/ the get down stay down

1: for emma, forever ago - bon iver

honorable mentions: all we could do was sing - port o'brien, all is well - samamidon, in ghost colours - cut copy, með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust - sigur rós, saturdays=youth - m83, the second gleam (ep) - the avett brothers, sad robots (ep) - stars, canopy glow - anathallo, caught in the tree - damien jurado, the odd couple - gnarls barkley

albums i feel show the most promise: nests - she keeps bees, everything is alive - pomegranates 

biggest disappointment: skeletal lamping - of montreal

2007 (in retrospect)
 i find it easier to create a list for 2007 now that a year has past and i've had the chance to listen to more albums as well as given a deeper listen to albums. now that the novelty has worn away, what albums have remained on my playlist? here's a look at how at my top 25 (plus a few honorable mentions) for 2007:

25: under the blacklight - rilo kiley
24: the historical conquests of josh ritter - josh ritter
23: alright still - lily allen
22: the stage name- okkervil river
21: person pitch - panda bear
20: wincing the night away - the shins
19: is is (ep) - yeah yeah yeahs
18: friend and foe - menomena
17: armchair apocrypha - andrew bird
17: flying cup - beirut
16: hissing fauna, are you the destroyer? - of montreal
15: in rainbows - radiohead
14: all hour cymbals - yeasayer
13: friend (ep) - grizzly bear
12: the reminder - feist
11: raising sand - robert plant & alison krauss
10: challengers - new pornographers
8: marry me - st. vincent
7: kala - m.i.a.
6: sky blue sky - wilco
5: the con - tegan and sara
4: ga ga ga ga ga - spoon
3: emotionalism - the avett brothers
2: strawberry jam - animal collective
1: cease to begin - band of horses

honorable mentions: hymn for a dark horse - bowerbirds, we were dead before the ship even sank - modest mouse, graduation - kanye west, made of bricks- kate nash, random spirit lover - sunset rubdown, friend opportunity - deerhoof, some loud thunder - clap your hands say yeah

when i grow up

i want to be zooey deschanel.

quote

"Let's set aside our weapons for the culture and pick up the first aid kits for the wounded."

(This is from a book I'm reading for one of my classes. While I don't quite agree with the author on all of his points, I really liked this statement).

mumbai

i spent my thanksgiving overeating and thinking of black friday sales.

i can't begin to comprehend how blessed / lucky / fortunate / etc i am. i cannot begin to comprehend suffering.

i cannot begin to comprehend what is happening in mumbai, but i am trying.

thanks-a-giving

happy thanksgiving.

on an unrelated note, i was talking to somebody about myers-briggs personality types today. i've taken three or four myers-briggs tests throughout the past few years (for psychology classes, career inventories, etc), and every time i take it, my results are the same: infj.

each time i read descriptions of infjs, i am amazed how accurately it describes me. it also intrigues me to learn what "types" other people are...

anyways, if you feel like it, go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFJ

it might make me a little more transparent.

i'm for real this time, i swear.

remember that last post when i said i'd update this regularly again?

oops.

i'm not sure if anyone still checks this, considering i pretty much abandoned it, leaving it without any updates for a couple months. so, if you are reading this, spread the news-- i'm back baby!

this semester has been nuts. i'm taking 17 credit hours, working as a TA, doing ifc, and becoming involved in numerous side projects that come my way. oh and i'm happy to say i'm becoming a part of signature entertainment (more to come on that in the future)!

as for right now, i'm on thanksgiving break, relishing in the fact that i can sleep as much as i possibly can. i have a decent amount of work to get done, but honestly, the biggest dilemma i'm facing is finding a dress for gretchen's wedding.

i think the last time i wore any kind of formal / semi-formal dress was sorority / fraternity formals during my freshman year at gcc. so, i need to buy a dress.

(one thing you should note: i love clothes, fashion, but i hate shopping. well, it is fun for maybe 15 minutes then i get bored and cranky. i also am super cheap, which doesn't help the situation).

shopping for a dress shouldn't be too hard, right? i mean, i'm not the bride, so it doesn't really matter what i wear, so long as it is appropriate and i feel at least a little comfortable in it. however, i'm finding that it's not as easy as you think.

although i am 22 years old, i still shop primarily in the junior's department, so naturally, i started there. here's an example of the typical dress (yes, it is a dress, not a shirt) i find:

Okay, not so bad if you are looking to bump and grind the night away at your high school homecoming... but not quite what I had pictured for my friend's big, beautiful wedding she is planning.

So, after seeing rack after rack of this type of dress, I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm just too old for the junior's department." After all, I am 22 and their target audience is probably 15.

So, I ventured off to the women's department to see if I'd have better luck.

Well, I learned that apparently, if you are old enough to be shopping in the women's department, you should just settle with covering your body in dresses that closely resemble burlap sacks. Exhibit A:

After unsuccessfully bouncing back and forth between the junior and women's department at a few stores, I decided a new tactic: try cooler stores.

So, I started off with Forever 21. Not the classiest, I know, but it is cheap and I have no money. Normally, I find Forever 21's oversized jewelry and glitzy clothes kind of endearing (let's face it, tacky jewelry is kind of my thing).

But seriously, going to a wedding in something like this? Really?

So, I decided to give in and try somewhere a little more expensive. I wasn't quite ready to go to BCBG or Anthropologie, but I figured I might be able to find something reasonable to Urban Outfitters. 

They've got some cute dresses there. Like this one. It is conservative without being a burlap sack, young without being tween-y. Besides me still being unsure if there's a unspoken rule against wearing a black dress at weddings (I think it's okay in the winter??? I don't get these things.), I was sold on it.

That is, until I saw the price tag. 

$264

...where's the burlap sack?

an update finally..

i really want to start writing in here more often again. i feel like as soon as i got back to taylor, i got so overwhelmed that i've slacked in keeping in touch. 

being back here has been tough for sure, but not as bad as i thought.  i have a couple amazing friends here that have really made it worth coming back. there have been disappointments and frustrations, but when you have a couple amazing people to lean on, it makes it all seem pretty tolerable.

i have also been submerging myself in music, just trying to stay involved however possible.

listen to "soil, soil" by tegan and sara.

what does a vegan eat when they can't eat fruits or vegetables?

so, having my wisdom teeth removed has made being a vegan more challenging than ever. with stitches and huge holes in my mouth, i can't have any fresh fruits or veggies, anything with seeds, or any nuts. aka, all the foods i usually eat.

so this is what my diet has consisted of the past 5 days:

- v8

- apple sauce

- oatmeal

- soy milk

- soy protein shake

- sorbet

- soy ice "cream"

- mushed potatoes (no not mashed potatoes... they have milk, these were simply mushed)

+ a failed attempt at baby food. i don't want to talk about it.

like a rolling stone

it seems harder and harder to get my feet planted anywhere

anthony kiedis just has so much love for us!

this weekend was the new american music festival... hands down the best concert i've ever been too and possibly one of the best moments of my life. at the very least, one of the most interesting.

friday started off with the tiny masters of the universe, who i actually skipped to get my  free tee shirt / water bottle and check out the set up of rest of the festival. from what i hear, i didn't miss much. next up was NASA, who I had never heard of but really impressed me. they kind of reminded me of a toned-down version of girl talk, and did a great job of getting the audience pumped. their mixing was accompanied by "martians" in bathing suits and break dancing "astronauts."

the black keys, in my opinion, really stole the show on friday night. their set was ridiculously high energy and i think dan auerbach started channeling hendrix on some of the songs. the roots put on a great performance as well, but seemed slightly anticlimactic after the black keys. 

saturday started with the duke spirit, whose lead singer liela moss reminds me of a blonde, slightly less psychotic version of karen o. they played for a relatively small crowd since it was only like 3 in the afternoon and they were the first band. still, it was a pretty BA performance. during black mountain (the next band), lily and i grabbed dinner and water, since we made a pact to get as close as possible to the stage for the rest of the bands and knew that meant no chance for a water / food break. 

making our way towards the stage for gnarls barkley we ran into costanza. i forgot how much i miss that kid! after gnarls though, lily and i descended further into the sea of people to get closer to the stage.  by the time spoon took stage we were about 10-15 rows of people back and dead center. 

during spoon, the kid in front of me fell back on me. at first, i thought it was just someone in the crowd pushing to move forward, but then i realized the kids eyes were only half-way open, he had lost all color in his face, and was sweating like crazy. so, next thing i know, i am holding up this 17 or 18 year old kid trying to ask him if he is okay. he said he was fine, stood up, but then fell back onto me again and when i told him i was going to go take him to get help he just kept saying "i can't hear anything." finally, his friends he was with realized there was something seriously wrong with him and took him to the paramedics. i know the kid was smoking pot a little while earlier (like 50% of the people there), so i am not sure if it was just extreme dehydration or if what he was smoking was laced with something else. so, spoon's set was really good, but needless to say, i was a little distracted during it.

after spoon, the raconteurs played.  i don't really listen to them that much, but holy crap. they are fantastic live. we kept making our way more forward until we were probably no more than 10 rows from the front. at the end of their set, the drummer tossed his drum sticks into the audience and the kid THREE people away from me caught it. i was soo close to catching it... and pretty close to getting crushed to death.

lastly, dylan played. he played some new stuff but some old stuff like rainy day women, tangled up in blue, and it ain't me babe. however, he stuck on the keys and harmonica the whole time (he didn't pick up a guitar) and played new versions of his old songs that were more reminiscent of early rock of the 1950s with a touch of swing than 60s rock. but you know, if dylan had played the popular versions of his hit songs, i really would have been disappointed. that just doesn't seem like a dylan thing to do. his voice was more of a growl on the low notes (a bit garbled sounding even for dylan), but the guy still kicked ass for being 67.

at the end of his set, dylan came back out for an encore. as he came out, the lights turned out bright and a huge backdrop came down, and "like a rolling stone" started. i seriously got the chills. as the chorus started, it felt so surreal as the whole crowd (10,000 people) began singing along. definitely a moment i will remember the rest of my life.

i got home, completely exhausted, and found out my parents locked me out. they also didn't wake up when i rang the doorbell or called the house 3 times. so, i got to sleep in the garage until my brother came to my rescue, haha.

this weekend was $25 well spent.

it has been a tough week.

at least i get to see dylan on saturday, right? right.

too true.

love and communication

just got home this afternoon from columbus. (i ended up going there for two days for a last minute family thing). 

on the ride home, i just had this overwhelming reminder of how blessed i am. i feel like it is so easy to always focus on the negative, to always search for what could be improved. 

but when i really think about it, really really think about it, i am overwhelmed with how blessed i am. how fortunate i am to have the friends and family that i do. just how much beauty there is around me.

it is kind of like that plastic bag scene from american beauty.

sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, i feel like i can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

there is so much pain,  suffering, and corruption in the world. yet, there is so much beauty and peace in people's reaction to the pain, the comfort offered by a friend, or simply the reassurance a big blue sky gives you that there is something greater than yourself. if you blink, you may miss it. but if you really take the time to open your eyes wide, there is beauty and joy in everything around us.

on another note, i am very excited that i have officially booked the founder of to write love on her arms for this fall. it is such a great organization, if you haven't heard of it check it out at http://www.twloha.com/ . so often the church wants to shy away from issues of depression, suicide, drug abuse, and self mutilation. 

yet, these are major issues facing our generation. for me (and millions of other people), it is more than "issues," it is the faces of friends and family who have struggled or tragically lost the battle. we are a wealthy nation, yet we are empty. our wallets are full but something is lacking. it breaks my heart how many people feel that they do not matter, or feel like no one cares for them. 

i am really excited to have this speaker at the university and hope that it will still up conversation, awareness, and action. 

peace.

mad beats

tracks i am digging this week:

D.A.N.C.E - justice

for reverend green - animal collective

bucky done gun - M.I.A.

the frug - rilo kiley

bubble toes - jack johnson 

maybe i belong in english after all...

confession time:

i really like to cook. this summer i've spent a lot of time in the kitchen messing around and perfecting recipes. it is about the only "domestic" thing about me (i still don't know how to iron or take the time to fold any of my clothes). i just think cooking is really cool, how it is kind of part science project part art project. it is also cool to create something people can really enjoy.

anyways, tonight i made a coconut-thai soup with the leftover coconut milk from the cupcakes this weekend. it was a big hit with the fam... even my dad (who had to be coaxed into eating something with tofu) was up for seconds.

oh and confession #2: i've begun defriending people on facebook. i kind of feel guilty but i am not sure why. i am only removing people i went to high school or my freshman year at gcc with who i barely talked to then and who i dont talk to now. i just really don't like seeing names when i log in and i have to ask myself "how do i even know them?" 

well those are the big events of my monday, haha.

free rice

everyone should go to this website NOW

http://freerice.com/

basically, you work to improve your vocabulary while also helping rice to be delivered to people who really need it.

on the bottom of each page, there is a banner from a sponsor. these sponsors pay the website based on the number of views of their banner (like with many website) and then the creators of website take that money and give it directly to the UN World Food Program.

the  first FreeRice donations have gone to purchase rice:

- in Bangladesh, to feed 27,000 refugees from Myanmar for two weeks.

- in Cambodia, to provide take-home rations of four kilograms of rice for two months to 13,500 pregnant and nursing women.

- in Uganda, to feed 66,000 school children for a week.

- in Nepal, to feed over 108,000 Bhutanese refugees for three days.

- in Bhutan, to feed 41,000 children for over 3 days.

- in Myanmar, to feed 750,000 cyclone affected people for 3 days.

so, instead of wasting time on facebook, start building your vocab!